Reflections from the Changing Table

(Disclaimer: yes this post is about changing diapers, but I promise it has a good point.) 

Sometimes in the middle of the night, I have to change Micah's diaper. It's because he's dirty and it smells. For me to leave him in that soiled diaper would be cruel and eventually it would hurt his skin. 

But when I go to change his diaper, he cries. I mean cries. He kicks with his legs and tries to flip his torso. He makes it very difficult to put on a clean diaper.  

"Micah, I can't leave you in this mess."

He keeps crying because he had to wake up to get his diaper changed. 

"Micah, stop fighting me, I'm trying to help you." 

He keeps crying because it's cold, it's new, and just plain uncomfortable. (And I even use a wipes warmer all the time.)

"I want you to have a clean diaper. Trust me, it will be a lot better when I finish." 

But he keeps crying until I finish and pick him up and hug him. 

Parenting has really changed my perspective of the "father-daughter" relationship I have with God. I never really understood before what is means for God to be my parent, because I only had experience with the "daughter" part of that relationship, not the parent part. 

One day while I was changing my crying baby I starting thinking....

How often am I the baby, screaming at God for the circumstances in my life. "God, it's cold. God, it's new. God, it's uncomfortable. Why are you doing this?" 

And God says, "Jordan, stop fighting me, I'm trying to help you." 

"But God, I don't want life to go this way..."

"Jordan, I can't leave you in the mess you are in." 

"I'm just fine, I like where I am." 

"Jordan, trust me, it will be a lot better when I finish."  

Wow, it hit me like a newfound truth. I am Micah. I am perfectly content to keep sleeping in my current circumstances and not wanting God to change anything, because that means I have to make adjustments in my life. 

"Trust me it will be a lot better when I finish." 

How many times have I fought God or worried about the circumstances in my life only to have them or myself turn out better than when I started? Ummmm pretty much every time. 

"Trust me, it will be better when I finish." 

When will I learn to trust God the first time....to know that when things are dark, or cold, or new, or uncomfortable that "he who began a good work in me will be faithful to complete it". 

"Trust me, it will be better when I finish." 

While becoming a new creation, I have to let myself go through the sanctification process and a process indicates change. Life changes that I have to be willing to go through. I have to be willing to go through the dark, the cold, the new, the uncomfortable in order to be pulled from the muck I am in. 

"Trust me, it will be better when I finish." 

So now when I change my baby's diaper, I pray that I have a slightly better understanding of the big picture of life than he does. And I pray that just as he will come to understand why I change his diaper, I will continue to remember why God changes the circumstances around me. 

"I waited patiently for the Lord, he turned to me and he heard my cry. He lifted me out of the slimy pit, out of the mud and mire; he set my feet upon a rock and gave me a firm place to stand. He put a new song in my mouth, and hymn of praise to our God. Many will see and fear and put their trust in the Lord. " Psalm 40: 1-3

The Beginning

Ever since I started stalking certain friend's blogs online, I knew that I wanted to become a blogger too.

Earlier this year, I started our family blog, and have really enjoyed keeping that one update for family and friends to read. It also serves as a great memory book, because heaven knows when I will be able to scrapbook again. My only partially completely honeymoon book tells you how good I ever was at it in the first place.

But I was also inspired to write another kind of blog. A blog that is not our family blog, but a blog just for me. To embrace my nerdy side. To record my thoughts about life, God, marriage, and mommyhood. A blog that has less pictures and more words. To let me process. To let me learn. To let me remember.

Why not write these things on the other blog? Because as I am very selectively organized, I enjoy categorizing the blogs as the "family" blog and "my" blog. And as Jonathan prefers to distance himself from my nerdy side, I would hate for someone to read that "I love drinking coffee on the couch on a raining day while diving into Michael Phillip's latest novel" and assume the "I" is Jonathan because it was on the "family" blog. Don't laugh. It could happen :)

I highly intend for this blog to be random in its topics, but I'm excited to at least have a place to record my randomness.

The name for the blog is inspired from this expected wide spectrum of topic. Not-so-important blogs "a penny for your thoughts" to the deeper issues I think about and want to remember "and Mary treasured these things and pondered them in her heart"will find themselves on this page.

Here's to the pennies and ponderings......